"But Mom, my favorite color is blue!"

I should know by now that trying to explain something to my autistic children, especially Brittany, using an analogy is a lesson in futility.  A while back, in fact, before Brittany was diagnosed, she was having issues dealing with how her friends no longer liked the things she did.  They were now interested in boy singers and actors like Zac Efron and Justin Beiber and Brittany just couldn't stand that stuff.  At that time, my younger two girls loved the books "Pinkalicious" and it's sequel "Purplicious."  For those of you who haven't had to read these books even once let alone a million times, "Pinkalicious" is about a girl who is obsessed with the color pink.  "Purplicious" is about this same girl when she is ridiculed by all the other kids for liking such a babyish color and she learns, thanks to a new girl in school, that not only is pink cool but that it is powerful too because it makes the color blue turn purple.  I thought that the lesson in "Purplicious" was very pertinent to Brittany's situation at the time and I read it to her trying to get her to see the connection.  However, when I pointed out how the little girl in the story didn't need to be ashamed of the things she enjoyed and didn't have to succumb to peer pressure to change her favorite color and hence Brittany didn't need to change just to please her friends, Brittany, matter of factly, told me, "But Mom, my favorite color is blue!"

Despite this obvious lesson that my child hones in on the details and doesn't see the big picture I am trying to paint with my example story, I still persistent using analogies during my little pep talks.

Tonight, I was trying to get her to understand the importance of following through with some extra homework her math teacher had given her so that she could improve her grade.  She was complaining that it was so boring because it was easy and it took too long.  And what do I do?  I go and switch to an analogy about practicing scales in music all the while Brittany is making some not-so-musical groaning noises next to me and complaining, "But Mom! This is math, not music!"

"Oh right!  Sorry, I forgot.  Brittany, you need to do it so how can I help make it not such a terrible thing for you? How about you have a piece of gum to help you concentrate?"  To which she brightened and went right to doing the worksheet.

So lesson learned (maybe).  I suppose that I will always be hoping for that perfect story that will teach my daughter a great life lesson that she will carry with her and maybe will keep her from making the same kind of mistakes in the future.  Wishful thinking, I know.

Being married to an Aspie in denial

I believe that coming to the understanding that my husband has Aspergers, even if he will not accept it or seek an official diagnosis, has improved my marriage exponentially and may have even saved it.  It explains so much.  Like how when I kissed him on our first date and he was stiff and awkward because, as he explained afterward, that, while he enjoyed it, he was wanting the next girl that he kissed to be "the one!"  Or how I can get ready faster than him because he HAS to do everything and in order or his day just doesn't start out right even if that means waking up at 5am in order to get it done.  He also can't tell how much I love him or am attracted to him.  I practically have to say the words "I want to have sex!" in order for him to be sure!

It is not all bad though.  I enjoy a level of commitment and consistency that is very enviable, I think.  He is a fabulous shopper.  He can and will research any product to death to find the best product at the best price.  He is extremely tidy and organized, which from what I'm told, is not typical of most husbands.  He is the one with the walk-in closet because he needs all the room in order to keep everything organized by color, kind etc.  He once tried to organize my drawers and closet and was really frustrated that I wasn't more appreciative and got upset that I didn't keep it up.  I like the shove and stash method much better.  Much quicker.

I just finished reading a book by David Finch entitled "The Journal of Best Practices," in which after only five years of marriage, he is diagnosed with Aspergers and then sets off on an obsession-level quest to save his marriage by improving himself.  I don't have the luxury, if you can call it that, of a husband who is formally diagnosed and is willing to change himself.  Nothing has really changed in my marriage since my "revelation" except that I can be more accommodating and understanding.  It is like that old adage that the only thing you can change is yourself.  Thanks to my greater understanding on how to help my kids, I am able also apply that to my "biggest child" (don't tell him I said that :) ). 

Tweeting

Since writing last, I have discovered the world of Twitter.  My husband is an avid tweeter (is that the proper verbiage?) and after watching him, I decided to try it out and see if I could find more support from the autistic community at large and I was not disappointed!

I am so excited that not only did I find so many people with stories like mine, I have also found support for my fibromyalgia too!  I didn't think it was possible to feel connected to total strangers!  I am still trying to figure things out, like how to retweet, quote, direct message, acknowledge followers, etc, etc.  However, I have already learned some really valuable things and felt validated it my personal battles.  I'm looking forward to tapping into more of this wonderful resource.  Feel free to follow me @MargeHammer